Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
