Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
