her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
