the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
