we're chasing vodka with high fives
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
