I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
