Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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