return my video game
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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