I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I want her autograph on my taint
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
