you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
