did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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