also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
