Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
