You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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