Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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