My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just pee around me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
