Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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