they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
