News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
