Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
