I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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