they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
