i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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