is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
this beer tastes like vomit already
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
