they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just pee around me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
