i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
