i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
