'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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