a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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