No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
