so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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