The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
