yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
