They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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