I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
