just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
