the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
