I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
