My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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