I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
