yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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