I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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