can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
