Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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