I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
