All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
