we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
