You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
