giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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