mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
