White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
