Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
