Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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