dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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