I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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